K-pop boy group SHINee's vocalist Jonghyun's final message was unveiled by his close friend―band Dear Cloud's member Nine9.
On December 19, Nine9 shared Jonghyun's last note which he asked her to keep it for the day he leaves the world.
Nine9 wrote on her SNS, "I had the last farewell with Jonghyun. Since a few days ago, Jonghyun shared his dark inner mind with me. He seemed to have difficult days every day. Since bad thoughts came to me, I told his family and comforted him. But it only delayed his death, couldn't help him to stop."
She continued, "Jonghyun asked me for a favor to share his message when he's leaving the world. I was really hoping that this day would not come... After discussing with his family members we have made a decision to release his written will. As he wished, I'm posting his final message here."
Jonghyun's final letter started with "I am broken from the inside. The depression that slowly gnawed away at me has finally swallowed me whole. And I could not defeat it. "
Jonghyun continued his letter "I was utterly alone. It's easy to talk about the end. It's hard to actually end." showing how much he was contemplating with his life.
Jonghyun was found unconscious at an apartment in Chungdam-dong, Seoul on December 18 at 6:10 PM KST. Although he was rushed to the hospital, he was pronounced dead. His cause of death is reported to be carbon monoxide poisoning.
Fans are invited to come to the funeral hall located at Asan Medical Center in Seoul beginning 12 PM KST on December 19.
Jonghyun's final message's the full text :
I am broken from the inside. The sadness that was slowly eating me finally devoured me
I couldn't overcome it. I hated myself. There was no answer to the memories I had, no matter how much I cried or screamed. I'd rather stop breathing instead of breathing stuffy breaths.
I asked who could be responsible for me. You were the one. I was completely alone. It was easy to say end it. It was hard to end it.
I've been living with that problem. I wanted to run away. Right, I wanted to run away. From myself. From you.
I asked who was there. It was me. Again me. And again, it was me. Why do I keep losing my memories? It's because of my personality. I see how it is. In the end, it's all my fault.
I wanted someone to know but nobody knew. No one would see me, so no one knew I was there. Asked why I'm living. Just because. Just because. Everyone just lives. Ask me why I die, I'll say I'm too tired. I suffered and contemplated it. I've never learned how to turn pains into joy. Pains are pains. I told myself not to do it.
Why? Why can't I do what I want to do until the end?
I tried to find out why I was in pain. I know very well. I was in pain because of myself. Everything is my fault. I'm just not good.
Did you want to hear this? No. I didn't do anything wrong. When you blamed my personality with your calm voice, I thought becoming a doctor is really easy.
It's amazing to see why it hurts so much. I saw many people who had it worse than I lived well. People who were weaker than me lived well. Maybe not. There's no one who is suffering more than me, no one weaker than me.
But I still lived. I asked million times why I should do that. It's not for me. It's for you. I just wanted to care for me.
Please don't say anything you don't know. Find why was I looking for hardship. How many times did I told you about why I'm having hard times. Will it be as hard as this? Does the drama need to be more specific? Does there need to be more stories?
I already told you the story. Were you even listening? Things that I can overcome doesn't leave a scar.
Clashing with the world was never meant for me. Becoming known to the world was never meant for me. That's why it hurts. Because of fame. Why did I choose that. It's so funny.
I'm proud of myself for enduring until now. What else is there to say. Just tell me I've done well, that this is good enough. That I've worked hard. Maybe you can't smile, but don't blame me for my decision.
Good job. You worked hard. Goodbye.
(Credit= 'run_withthewolf' Instagram, SBS funE, 'SMTOWN' Official Website)
SHINee Jonghyun's Heart-wrenching Final Message Unveiled
Dec 19, 2017